


Forgive.

by Alphabees



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Appropriate TW's in the notes, Canon Compliant, Ficlet, Hurt/Comfort, KBWeek 2020, Kurtbastian Week, M/M, No explicit Blaine-bashing but still, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Stand Alone, This is probably also a fix-it, Up until On My Way, but it's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alphabees/pseuds/Alphabees
Summary: Every logical line of thinking in Kurt’s head led from where he was standing, all the way out to the parking lot. It would be so easy to follow that path, to pay no mind to the boy who, for a little while, made his life hell. Not to mention the way he almost blinded Blaine.Then he remembered Karofsky. Another boy who made his life hell for much, much longer - and yet, earned his forgiveness. If he hadn’t taken the time to hear David out when he decided to change his ways, he would have spent the rest of his days at McKinley in fear. Kurt wasn’t frightened of Sebastian in the same way, but he was tired of always waiting for the next fight.With that in mind, Kurt took a deep, fortifying breath, and sat himself in the chair next to Sebastian’s. He had no idea what to do once he was there. Sebastian didn’t either; he tensed up instantaneously, harsh enough for Kurt to feel it.[For KBWeek 2020 - Canon Compliant/Coffee Shop]
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 19
Kudos: 129
Collections: Kurtbastian Week 2020





	Forgive.

**Author's Note:**

> TW (more of a CW really) ahead for vague discussion of Dave Karofsky's attempt. There's no graphic descriptions of the event, or particularly in-depth discussion of suicidal thoughts, but they both come up throughout the fic.

Kurt hated hospitals. 

The worst moment of his life took place in one when he was barely eight years old. They were a place of hope for a lot of people - hell, people got better and walked out of them every day - but there was no stopping the images that flashed through his mind the second he was alone in one. 

Sometimes he felt like that  _ beep, beep, beep _ of the heart monitor followed him. It came in and out of his life, first with his mom, then again during his dad’s coma, and then… Karofsky.

David Karofsky, of all people. Kurt had never expected him to end up in a hospital, let alone to be welcomed like an old friend at his bedside. His hand still felt warm, and a little sweaty from where David had clutched onto it. Tears pricked at his eyes again as the door shut softly behind him. Over the past week Kurt had let him down so many times, pressing that little red button whenever he called. Could one twenty-minute conversation ever be enough when it was already far too late?

As a nurse bustled past him, Kurt realised he couldn’t stand by the door forever. Maybe getting out of the building would ease the pressure in his chest. He started his path to the exit, but he didn’t make it far. An unexpected sight stopped him in his tracks.

Sebastian.

There was no mistaking the Dalton blazer, the familiar swoop of his hair, or his lanky frame, hunched over itself. As Kurt took a tentative step closer, his head turned away, and it became obvious that he was trying not to be noticed. How unfortunate for him.

Every logical line of thinking in Kurt’s head led from where he was standing, all the way out to the parking lot. It would be so easy to follow that path, to pay no mind to the boy who, for a little while, made his life hell. Not to mention the way he almost blinded Blaine. 

Then he remembered Karofsky. Another boy who made his life hell for much, much longer - and yet, earned his forgiveness. If he hadn’t taken the time to hear David out when he decided to change his ways, he would have spent the rest of his days at McKinley in fear. Kurt wasn’t frightened of Sebastian in the same way, but he was tired of always waiting for the next fight. 

With that in mind, Kurt took a deep, fortifying breath, and sat himself in the chair next to Sebastian’s. He had no idea what to do once he was there. Sebastian didn’t either; he tensed up instantaneously, harsh enough for Kurt to feel it.

“I’m not here to start a fight.” Kurt’s voice was quiet. He still hadn’t swallowed the lump in his throat - the one that appeared when he realised why David sounded so hoarse. 

Sebastian looked up, but not at Kurt. It was as if he was holding out hope that he hadn’t been recognised right up until Kurt spoke, which made him wonder if sitting by him was the wrong choice after all. With the shift in his stance, Kurt could see that Sebastian was clutching at a single flower. A white orchid, sprouting from a plain white pot. Sebastian’s knuckles matched its hue. When he didn’t respond, Kurt spoke again. “That’s pretty.”   
  
That earned Kurt a sideward glance. By the time it got a word out of Sebastian, he had all but given up hope of hearing any.

“Will he like it?”

From his tone, Kurt felt as though a ‘no’ would make Sebastian drop the pot and let it smash. Thankfully, he didn’t have to lie to keep that from happening.

“If there’s anything I’ve realised about David Karofsky over these past few weeks, it’s that he’s much more… sensitive, and sentimental than you would think,” Kurt answered with a faltering half-smile. While Sebastian didn’t return it, Kurt could sense that his words were still of some comfort from the slightest drop of his shoulders. “I think he’ll take good care of it.”

Another long pause took place as Sebastian stared down at the flower.

“They told me to wait until you were done to go in,” Sebastian told him. He made it sound painful. He rocked forwards a little, his teeth digging into his lower lip; there was something more he wanted to say. Before Kurt could muster the right response to get it out of him, it slipped. 

“I’m a fucking coward.”

After Sebastian’s candid apology, even if Kurt never planned to speak to him again, he felt like he had earned honesty. Besides, they were never going to be the types to coddle one another.

“You were scared the whole way here, weren’t you?” Kurt would know. He spent the whole drive with shaking hands and a catastrophizing mind. “You didn’t turn back. You care enough to be here... nobody’s getting anything out of you torturing yourself in limbo.”

They exchanged another wary look. 

“You don’t think I should be torturing myself?” Sebastian asked. He wasn’t relieved. Kurt could tell from the inflection to it that he was, somehow, disappointed. 

Kurt wasn’t sure what to do with that. It was a big question, and even with it directed at him, he didn’t feel qualified to answer.

So he swallowed, and nodded towards the door. “I don’t think my opinion really matters here.”

There was a sense of understanding in Sebastian’s eyes, but from the slightest twitch of his lip, Kurt felt like he was about to object.

Instead, Sebastian stood up, and with his fingers still gripping desperately to the plant, headed for the door.

“I think I’m going to get coffee after this.” Kurt looked up, his brows knitted together in confusion as Sebastian paused, one hand resting on the door. “It’s always total swill in hospitals, but that’s what I’m going to do.”

As Sebastian finally stepped into David’s room, Kurt realised it was an invitation.

  
  


He was right, Kurt thought to himself, as he took his first sip. During the time in his life where he regularly ate in hospital cafeterias he was too young for coffee, and just as Sebastian had suggested, it was vile. Overly bitter, gritty, and somehow still weak. It was scalding hot too; by the time he set it down on the table, it had started to burn at his palm. The atmosphere didn’t do it any favours either. 

The minutes slogged by, and Kurt’s phone buzzed sporadically. The first was from Rachel, who happened to catch him sneaking out early, wishing both him and Karofsky well. The rest were from Blaine - one concerned, one impatient, one picture. The photo was of him, toasting a glass of sparkling cider with Mr Schuester. Good for them, he thought - although he couldn’t bring himself to apologise for not being in a celebratory mood. 

Blaine wouldn’t take too kindly to not getting a response at all, but he’d make up for it later. 

Forty-five minutes later, Kurt had begun to wonder if Sebastian’s invitation wasn’t one. Maybe he’d misread the tone. A voice in the back of his head told him it was a practical joke, but the memory of the last time he’d seen Sebastian was louder. 

Kurt had heard and given many apologies in his time. Sebastian’s was one of the most earnest and contrite that he could remember, and so he ignored his instincts. He let the anxiety in his gut twist and swell until Sebastian proved him right for doing so. 

Sebastian was quiet as he finally sat down, leaving Kurt to try and catch his evasive eyes from over the table. He sat like he was ashamed of himself; slouched and curled in. His hands were wrapped tight around his paper cup, and Kurt couldn’t tell if he realised how blisteringly hot the drink was or not.

“He forgave me before I even said anything,” Sebastian huffed out.

Remorse made him so much less mouthy, Kurt thought. He would have to fill in the gaps himself, which felt strange to do with somebody he barely knew - but it was better than enduring those long, verbose rambles that held an insult for everybody within earshot.

“You don’t seem happy about that.”

“I feel like it’s what he thought I wanted to hear.” In the pause that followed, Kurt raised an eyebrow. “It wasn’t.”

“Then what did you want with him?” Kurt asked, tentatively curious. “Why are you here?”

Another long pause. Kurt took another sip, more patient than he had ever expected himself to feel around Sebastian. Maybe that was just the emotional exhaustion working in his favour.

“I wasn’t going to come. I told myself that would be the best thing for him; instead of getting weirdly involved in his life, I’d send him the receipt for the donation, and that would be that,” Sebastian stopped, suddenly watching Kurt more studiously. More specifically, watching the way his face scrunched into a frown, which made Sebastian smile a little. “Yeah. Exactly. I was making excuses for myself again. He deserves a proper, non-performative apology.”

Kurt’s scowl relaxed somewhat. “Did he get one?”

Sebastian nodded. “He heard me out,” he answered, one of his hands flattening against the table. He was more fidgety than Kurt had ever seen him. “I said more than I thought I would. It feels like an asshole move to me to sit by his hospital bed and drop half my life story on him, but he seemed… appreciative. He and I have more in common than I ever would have expected. I left him my number-- as a  _ friendly _ gesture.”

Kurt hadn’t assumed Sebastian would be on the prowl with David. Even with his initial impression of Sebastian strongly lingering in his mind, Kurt would never have assumed he’d be that sleazy. He might have made a joke to imply as much, though.

“That’s great, Sebastian,” Kurt said, with a tired smile. He meant it, and Sebastian seemed a tad surprised by that. He turned his drink between his fingertips, watching it distractedly. “I suppose the only other thing I’m wondering is why you’re still here… with me.”

As Sebastian drew his lips back, Kurt wondered if he’d been hoping he could get away without that question being asked. He was starting to piece something together about the Warbler sitting across from him - up until then, he tried very hard to make himself seem like the type of person who had no trouble expressing himself. Sebastian had a snippy comeback for everything, but for all those words, he didn’t have much to say. 

“I need to apologise,” Sebastian began, shaking his head quickly as Kurt opened his mouth. “I know, I did that already; but that was about all of you. The things I did to belittle the New Directions as a whole.” Sebastian sighed, his self-assured voice turning to a mumble. ”Between you and I, it was much more personal.”

Kurt felt validated and unsettled all at once. It was the confirmation he’d been waiting to hear - Sebastian went after him deliberately. He wasn’t harmless, the way Blaine had insisted right up until the slushy incident. Kurt hadn’t imagined his malicious intentions, or conflated them with the jealousy he felt - it was all real. He didn’t feel good for hearing it, but he felt sane. 

“Well,” Kurt cleared his throat, trying to look as unaffected as possible. He wasn’t that easily won, especially not after everything Sebastian did. “If Dave can be gracious enough to listen to you, so can I.”

Sebastian frowned. “That doesn’t quite add up. I was worse towards you.” He clocks the bewildered look on Kurt’s face, and holds up a hand to stop him from objecting that sentiment. “I know he’s in a much worse state now, trust me, I do - but he said so himself. I was just a drop in a bucket for him. Still a part of what made it spill over, but at the time, I thought nothing of it. Insulting his appearance, telling him to stay in the closet…” Sebastian’s face contorted, filled with a horrified sense of shame. “They were nasty words he happened to hear at a nasty time. They would have been reprehensible at any time, but I didn’t pay that a second thought until I heard that random guy I happened to meet by the Scandals jukebox had tried to end his own life.”

The reality of those last few words turned the atmosphere between them even more somber for a few painful, silent seconds.   
  
“Where are you going with this, Sebastian?”

“The fact of the matter is I spent weeks meddling in your life, and if there had been a million other catastrophes going on for you like there had been for Karofsky…”

“I would never…” Kurt tried to swallow the bitter taste of his freshman year. It wouldn’t go down; he couldn’t lie. Instead, he grimaced down at the table between them. When he looked back up there was a flash of recognition in Sebastian’s eyes. 

“But the consequences aren’t the problem. My behaviour is— or, has been. I’m sure you noticed I haven’t said anything deeply degrading for the past hour…” Sebastian trailed off, relaxing a little at the sight of Kurt’s burgeoning smile. “It’s not much, but it’s conscious effort. I’m not expecting you to kiss my ass for it or anything. You just seem like the type of person who would feel better knowing I’m going to be less tyrannical with the people who still have to put up with me.”

If Kurt felt a little less numb, he might have afforded that a soft chuckle. Why did it make so much sense that Sebastian had to swathe his vulnerability in crassness? As it was, it still pulled his lips into a feeble half-smile. 

“Does it matter if I feel better?”

“Yes,” Sebastian answered, fast and certain. Kurt hadn’t expected it. “I’m worried about Dave too, Kurt. His recovery is just about all I can think about - but in the moments where I’m not thinking about that, it’s everybody else I’ve screwed over since I got here. It’s not enough to solely make amends with the person who took it the hardest.”

“So this is you making amends with me,” Kurt stated plainly. “Just… another, more private apology?”   
  


Sebastian shook his head slowly, keeping his eyes on his cup with an expression Kurt couldn’t read. “If I hadn’t have said anything, you would’ve left here dreading my next scheme,” he shrugged. “Wait for the punch, you know it’s coming - right?”

Kurt swallowed another sip; he wasn’t sure how he felt about Sebastian quoting him. “Can you blame me?”

“No. Not in the slightest. This is just… A declaration of intent. First of all, I want to take back the things I said. The whole… Gay face thing? That was me going out of my way to make you self-conscious. I just had a feeling it was a sore spot, and I wanted to use that to get into your head. The more insecure you were, the more jealous you’d get whenever I spoke to Blaine, the more likely it was that you’d break up...”

“The more likely he’d fall into your arms?”

“Not mine. Dalton’s,” Sebastian answered. “Frankly, he’s not my type. Too short, and too full of himself. In the spirit of total honesty, yes, I’d probably sleep with him - but more out of curiosity than anything else.”

Kurt’s nose scrunched up, and he suddenly found himself perplexed. How was  _ Blaine _ not his type? And who slept with somebody out of curiosity? They were so young. How could he say something like that as though it was normal? 

Sebastian leaned back in his seat, his palms displayed in surrender. “Hopefully, it goes without saying that I’m not going to try that anymore. Not that I have been since the slushie incident-- but I have my final text to him already drafted. The flirting between us is going to stop, because I’m going to block his number.”

Kurt’s gaze fixed on Sebastian’s face and, despite himself, he believed it like it was a promise. He wanted to thank him for it - knowing Blaine wasn’t staying up all night texting Sebastian anymore would keep his own from being sleepless - but there was a burning question in the back of his head. Why was Sebastian the one offering him that peace of mind?

“Whatever it is, just ask,” Sebastian cut into his thoughts. 

“It’s selfish,” Kurt replied on instinct. “Petty. Stupid.”

“I doubt that, but clearly it’s bothering you. Let’s not leave it unanswered.”

Kurt wasn’t sure what he meant by that exactly, but he took the nudge for what it was.

“Was it all one-sided?”  _ The way he said it was? _   
  
“No.”

Kurt felt his stomach drop through the floor. 

He didn’t want a sugar-coated answer, but he didn’t want that one either. Sebastian looked ashamed for having to give it. 

“There was never anything… Explicit. He drew that line,” Sebastian added, as if that made it any better.

“Thank you, but now, I don’t think I want to know,” Kurt said quickly. “It’s over. That’s what matters.” Wasn’t it? Kurt wasn’t entirely convinced, but he wanted to save face.

Unfortunately for him, Sebastian didn’t seem convinced either - but he limited his questioning to a skeptical gaze. 

“Any more intentions?” Kurt asked, needing something else to think about.

“Just one,” Sebastian nodded. “I’m going to make sure you don’t hear from me, or about me, ever again.”

Kurt blinked. He didn’t know why it shocked him so much - maybe it was the fact that, aside from the emotional intensity of it all, they’d spent the past half an hour or so having an amicable conversation over coffee. It almost felt like a waste.

“...You don’t look happy,” Sebastian observed. How inconveniently astute of him.

“There’s just a lot about you I don’t understand,” Kurt began, not entirely sure where it would take him. “When I met you, it felt like you were hellbent on making anybody miserable for the heinous crime of mildly inconveniencing you. And-- I get it, you want to be better. That’s fantastic, and I support it, but if it wasn’t out of genuine interest in Blaine… Why?”

Sebastian made a face like Kurt had kicked his shin with a steel-toed boot. 

“I really don’t want to be here, Kurt.”

Kurt frowned. “...Well, alright, but you’re the one who invited me--”

“Not like that,” Sebastian huffed out a strained laugh. “I mean, Ohio. America.”

Thinking back, Kurt remembered one of Blaine’s longer spiels about Sebastian. While he’d tried to tune most of it out for the sake of not literally combusting with jealousy, France had come up a few times. He sat up a little straighter, his curiosity piqued.

“Neither do I. In fact, I don’t think any gay teenager would choose to be within a hundred mile radius of here,” Kurt supplied, just to egg him on.

“No, I guess not - but it’s not my home.” Sebastian shrugged, his fingers drumming against the side of his cup. He picked it up, and took a long sip, before the rhythm resumed. “Have you ever been to Paris?”

“I’ve never left the country.”

“Well, if you had, you wouldn’t want to leave. Even less if you’d built yourself an entire life there--” Sebastian paused, before exhaling audibly. “No. We’re not doing this. This isn’t about me.”

“Isn’t it?” Kurt quirked a brow, tilting his head to try and catch Sebastian’s eye. Suddenly he was antsy all over again. “...Why did you leave?”

Sebastian didn’t answer. He took another drink, his eyes fixed on the table, and then set his cup down in the centre of it. Signs pointed to him bolting very soon, and for some reason, Kurt didn’t want that.

“Hold on,” Kurt said, holding a hand out to stop him before he even stood. “You don’t have to tell me that, but does anybody know? Anybody aside from you?”

Sebastian looked so taken aback that, this time, Kurt didn’t need an answer anyway. Instead of waiting for one, he decided to follow his first, and most likely stupidest impulse.

Right next to Sebastian’s empty cup, Kurt set down his phone. 

“...What are you doing?”

“Oh, come on, Sebastian. I know you’re smart enough to recognise a new-contact screen.”

The look of utter bemusement on Sebastian’s face made Kurt wish he’d kept his phone in hand to take a picture with.

“What’s your angle here?”

“There’s no angle to it. I’m not going to pry all your secrets out of you. I just… I get the feeling you could use a friend.”

Sebastian’s face lost its confusion, but kept the surprise. Kurt stared at him for what felt like an eternity as he waited for Sebastian to process it. 

Just before Kurt can reach out and take it all back, Sebastian picks his phone up. He holds it like it’s about to explode in his grip, but he manages to survive typing his details in.

“I’m not a charity case,” Sebastian said, sliding the phone back over the table. 

Kurt slid it back into his pocket, the corners of his lips twitching up.

“I’m concerned, yes, but that’s not all there is to it,” Kurt insisted. As frightening as it was, he wanted to be open. Life was far too short to keep good feelings to himself. “Nothing else has managed to make me smile today. Not even beating your ass at regionals.”

Sebastian’s brows shot into his hairline, and he sputtered out a laugh. Clearly, they both needed a little comedic relief. “Kurt Hummel, did you just say _ ass? _ Does your virtue sting right now?”

“You bet your ass I did.” Kurt nodded, and managed to laugh as well. “You may be treated to more of that when I text you, if you actually reply,” he raised an eyebrow, and Sebastian ducked his head in an attempt to hide a small smile. “Oh-- and, while we’re at it, don’t actually block Blaine. Send that text anyway, but I know it’ll be easier for him to deal with us talking that way.”   
  


“Don’t put up with him being a hypocrite about it,” Sebastian replied plainly. Despite himself, Kurt nodded in agreement. When he glanced down at his watch he straightened his back, looking at Kurt a little…  _ nervously. _ “Listen-- I’ve called a Warbler meeting for this evening. I promised myself I wouldn’t leave here until we’d covered everything, but now I figure if you have any more bones to pick…”

Kurt pulled his phone back out, giving it a little wiggle in the air. “Got it.”

Sebastian nodded as he stood, fixing his blazer. “I’ll see you around, Kurt,” he said, taking one hesitant step back. “Thank you.”

As he finally walked away, Kurt found himself watching his back until he reached the cafeteria’s door. The coffee in his hands had long since gone cold, he noticed, but he raised it to his lips anyway. 

There was still so much to think about. The evening awaiting him wouldn’t be easy; he knew he was bound to spend it surrounded by people insisting they had to celebrate, and that everything would be okay.

He wasn’t completely sure it would be. He just knew it felt good to forgive.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise, the next few days will have much more cheerful responses to the prompts! Hope you enjoyed <3 Happy Kurtbastian Week!


End file.
